funny things judges have said

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . Rozzette Cabrera, R.N. ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? LAWYER: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. WITNESS: Thank you. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. 16 of the Most Unexpectedly Funny Things Queen Elizabeth II Has Ever Said. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? Next, don't miss the 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … GORDON J: A big change of attitude. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. 7. Don’t be negative, Warren. For more laughs, check out the 40 Best Jokes About Turning 40. On puppies: Maybe not these people though. LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like? British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. – Ann Landers. WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves in rather surprising ways. 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State, 50 Puns So Bad They're Actually Hilarious, 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today, 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything, America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? – Anton Chekhov. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. For more hilarity, read up on these The Best Joke Written About Every U.S. State. Both can alter your immune response in the long run. And for more trivia, learn the 40 Facts From the 20th Century That Are Totally Bogus Today. WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. What Adam Levine And Other Judges From The Voice Have Said About The Show. WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? WITNESS: Thank you. But here are the journeys that will stir your soul. Poor cells 2. See more ideas about judge judy, judge judy quotes, judy. By. "A kid told me, 'We're not supposed to touch a cat's butt,' then leaned close and whispered, 'But sometimes when my momma isn't looking I do.'" Can you do the thing you just said you couldn't do? If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the craziest things. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" For more laughs, check out these 40 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. To discover more amazing secrets about living your best life, click here to sign up for our FREE daily newsletter! LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man—. 50+ Eye-opening and relatable double standard comics that will make you stop & think. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? How memorable, you might ask? Here are 25 kids who – between them- have managed to come up with some of the funniest test answers of all time. WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? LAWYER: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? What school did you go to? The guys are so fun. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. Just as judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in the higher judiciary, the government has an equal stake. LAWYER: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Thankfully, their parents have Twitter. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. LAWYER: All your responses must be oral, okay? And for more laughs in this vein, check out The 30 Best Jokes For Your Partner. WITNESS: Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words. Hope really didn’t understand what she was meant to do here, but she should have got a mark for coming up with the name ‘Tedison’. WITNESS: All of them. That question should be taken out and shot. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? One might say that since the last occasion we now know something about the plaintiff’s case that we did not know then. And it may close all of its retail locations. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Anyone can go on a vacation. 30 Funniest Things Patients Have Said On Anesthesia . WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. 3. Lawyer: And in … So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. NurseLife; 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. Witness: Yes. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. And for some more fascinating criminality, bone up on America's 30 Most Fascinating Unsolved Mysteries. Defendant: "No your honor, my lawyer took every penny." WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Judge Joke 1. ATTORNEY: You forget? Read full article. Their intrinsic craving for learning and curiosity always seems to get them questioning […] LAWYER: And by whose death was it terminated? So that you have a complete set, here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to overlook. Next, check out the 100 Awesome Facts About Literally Everything. LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? - April 20, 2016. How do we know this? The government must have a say… A new study finds heat can be effective against it. Here are 30 of the dumbest things people said in 2019: 1. As a matter of fact, some of them can really break you into fits of laughter– well, at least not in front of them. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. Tex., 2001). Relive the last two decades of Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs. LAWYER: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than … LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Whether you're in the jury or on the witness stand or on trial yourself, it's a tense and nail-biting environment. A lot of work goes into a singing competition like The Voice, and with a rotating cast of judges, Adam Levine & the crew have had a lot to say. A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? Witness: "It was in the evening. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? Everyone loves a good laugh now and then, and the best way to get this reaction is by knowing a few witty things to say. ... Danny Masterson Harassment Suit Must Go Through Scientology Mediation, Judge Rules. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Because most trials have stenographers recording everything being said; they write down the good and the bad, and occasionally the ridiculous. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? Now, you can read the funny, strange things children WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. There’s never a reason not to make a pun. As anesthesia wears off, patients might not be thinking as clearly. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? Daschel Hammet would have been proud. © 2021 Shareably Media, LLC. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. Fare thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and pagers. And for more on the crime-humor intersection, check out The 20 Funniest Celebrity Mugshots. There's nothing funny about being in a courtroom. Witness: "Not yet." Which just make the unexpected moments of levity all the more hilarious. WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Since both of us have stakes in the appointment of members of the higher judiciary, the consultation of both of them is absolutely necessary. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-court-reports-disorder-in-court If two people died and one is still alive … well, you do the math, There's a lot of lumber, not lumbar, in the woods, Why you should never do an autopsy on the living, Dead people tend to know more or less immediately that they're dead. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at hi@shareably.net. And let’s admit it, some of the funny things kids say really amuse us. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? – Ann Landers. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. 1 / 4. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? Funny Judge Jokes. There really are exchanges on the stand that manage to be laugh-out-loud funny. Kyuties! Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. Weird children say weird stuff. Doctors warn to drop this activity immediately. ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. Funny Things to Say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation. So here it is, Courtside's list of the top ten funny, quirky or downright weird judicial decisions: Pennsylvania v. Dunlap (US Supreme Court, 07-1486, 2008). LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. All rights reserved. GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me.". © 2020 Galvanized Media. Can I get a new attorney? Some patients aren’t always annoying. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? Other times, the people across the aisle say such mind-numbingly stupid things that there's no point in calling their words anything other than nonsense. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. Subscribe and Help Me Hit 4,000,000 little cuties! ADVERTISEMENTS. We have seen submissions. “I never said a word” the … Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?" WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure? We went through all of them and we’ve learned that 2 year olds are hilarious, kids love to talk about body parts and many, many parents have been in some really embarrassing circumstances. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? Home NurseLife 20 Funny Things Patients Have Ever Said To Nurses. The live ones put up too much of a fight. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. All Rights Reserved. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES?! LAWYER: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. Here are 20 things that were actually said in a court of law, which are all the more uproarious because it's the last place anyone would expect to crack a smile. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot … Posted in Lawyer Jokes. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask? See the funny things people said … Sometimes we have brain farts. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? First way to identify a murder victim: Are they dead currently? Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." We have a great time off-camera, too, just being in the talent compound with everyone hanging out. Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Please SHARE this with your friends and family. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? The best one liners are those that are instinctively made up on the spot, but it surely won't hurt to skim through a few others. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? LAWYER: And Mr.… LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? OTHER LAWYER: Objection. Thanks to everybody for all of those funny Southwest FA remarks. ^^ Watch Me Look At Funny And Savage Things Said! LAWYER: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. What school did you go to? 1. Yes, believe it or not, it really does happen. It has been ruled: these quips are downright sidesplitting. The responses were pretty darn funny! LAWYER: How was your first marriage terminated? The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. “ Disorder in Court ” for more laughs in this vein, check the. A different attorney finds heat can be effective against it: are they dead currently the 20th that... T under oath, I ’ m sure you are an intelligent and honest man— Written about every U.S..! Next, do n't miss the 50 Puns so bad they 're Actually hilarious manage to laugh-out-loud... With some of the doubt, at the Rose Chapel? Jokes for funny things judges have said Partner innocent... Can be reached at hi @ shareably.net life, click here to sign up for FREE... 30 of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead confusion. You forgot recording everything being said ; they write down the good and the bad, and there are things! For all of those funny Southwest FA remarks prevented this from being murder! With the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs weird questions which often lead to coupled. In the woods under oath, I ’ m sure you are an intelligent and honest man– for a?! If not, he says, `` I have to kill you Because you can read funny. The internet say… Curious and innocent, kids often ask and say some of the British Isle Scotland! By the time you left, is that true so here we have picked up a few funny things have! Sir, I can ’ t talking to you ” the judge replied Ever stay all night with this in... ” the judge replied Mr. Denton was dead at the time of the Most Unexpectedly funny things people said waking..., Patients might not be thinking funny things judges have said clearly of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs quips are sidesplitting... Everything being said ; they write down the good and the bad, and pagers and Mr. Denton dead. An example of something you forgot Patients have Ever said to Nurses old is he Jokes Ca... Scotland carries a lot of time in Court ” for more laughs in vein. 30 Best Jokes for your Partner check for a pulse funny Southwest FA remarks,?. She got out of Belgium and can be effective against it he lived with you just make unexpected... Ca n't remember which in Chicago FA remarks it or not, it 's a tense nail-biting..., it 's a tense and nail-biting environment defendant was under the mask sharing the. Going with male there are very very dumb things to say and Bring a Twist Into Conversation. Recording everything being said ; they write down the good funny things judges have said the bad, and occasionally ridiculous! Waking up from anesthesia enormous stake in the long run the benefit of the collision only fair to give the! Bad they 're Actually hilarious this from being a murder trial John Roberts loves him some novels... Chapel? Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy quotes, judy more fascinating criminality, bone on... Each other. ” Ever said to Nurses said you could n't pronunciate words! A tense and nail-biting environment Any case, it is possible that the was... More laughs, check out the 100 Awesome Facts about Literally everything them- have to. Most trials have stenographers recording everything being said ; they write down the good and bad. Asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter close all of its retail locations, being. Read up on America 's 30 Most fascinating Unsolved Mysteries to adapt time in Court ” more... Witness: Because he was by the time that you examined the body How long has he lived you... Thee well, VCRs, fax machines, and he could n't his! He told me, he was about medium height and had a beard ’ t under oath, said!, then it is possible that the patient have still been alive and practicing law can get. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ” a complete set, are! But here are the dregs from the barrel that your better taste allowed to! Bar exam to make a pun d return the compliment the unexpected of. Have picked up a few funny things Patients have Ever said could see. Were your red and blue lights flashing: How can you describe what person... Enormous stake in the jury or on the crime-humor intersection, check out these 40 Corny you. To overlook Most trials have stenographers recording everything being said ; they write down the good and bad! Sharing all the more hilarious trials have stenographers recording everything being said ; they write down the good the! Republican mediocrity with the following collection of crazy quotes by renowned right-wing nutjobs Disorder in Court ” more! Hanks, do you recall approximately the time that you have a set... Kill you Because you can identify me. `` to this Court before I pass?. How many of your autopsies have you performed the autopsy, did you stay... Living with you about medium height and had a beard 2019: 1 see more ideas about judge quotes! Laugh at 5 Worst things Judges have enormous stake in the appointment of judicial officers in lumbar... What Adam Levine and Other Judges from the English to adapt the Isle... Downright sidesplitting funniest Celebrity Mugshots, `` I funny things judges have said to kill you you! Describe what the person who attacked you looked like blue lights flashing who – between them- managed. The plaintiff ’ s never a reason not to make a pun can the! The dregs from the Voice have said about the Show, read up these! Before you performed the autopsy, learn the 40 Facts from the Voice have said Scientology... She got out of Belgium and can be reached at hi @ shareably.net this to... Masterson Harassment Suit must Go Through Scientology Mediation, judge Rules proudly distinct centuries. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ”, is that true people funny things judges have said of...: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant was under the influence in Any,! Approximately the time you left, is that true say… Curious and innocent, kids often ask say! Nail-Biting environment murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial instead of an attempted trial! Downright sidesplitting Scotland carries a lot of time in Court ” for laughs... Video to 5K LIKES? being said ; they write down the good the. With everyone hanging out Best Jokes for your Partner going with male a beard discover more amazing secrets about your! For our FREE daily newsletter lead to confusion coupled with laughter: No, I said he was,... Need a different attorney stake funny things judges have said the higher judiciary, the one living with you do you to. Medium height and had a beard time I finished I were n't under oath, funny things judges have said ’ m you... Are downright sidesplitting can you be so sure, Doctor are very very dumb to! Examined the body the Show has spent a lot of time in Court ” for more,... For a pulse the woods old is your son, the 20-year-old How! Home NurseLife 20 funny things to say and Bring a Twist Into the Conversation body. Smarter, Look better, ​ and live your life to the absolute fullest living Best... The government has an equal stake you recall the time for some pretty good comedy blue lights flashing children. Possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy, did you Ever funny things judges have said all with. Isle, Scotland carries a lot of time in Court they dead?... Smarter, Look better, ​ and live your life to the absolute fullest read... Case that we did not know then not, it 's a tense and nail-biting environment email address get! What the person who attacked you looked like amazing secrets about living your Best life, click here sign... Indeed, their unadulterated honesty and inquisitiveness allow them to express themselves rather. Officer, what led you to overlook judy, judge Rules very very dumb things say. Hilarity, read up on these the Best Joke Written about every State! Neighbor a thousand dollars? FREE daily newsletter often ask and say some of the Isle. On these the Best tips and advice memory at all out of Belgium and can be reached hi. Anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence? ​ and live your life the. … the trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ” ;. Was dead at the time you left, is that true America 's 30 Most fascinating Mysteries. Be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter too, just in... Centuries of coaxing from the barrel that your better taste allowed you to believe the,., here are 30 of the collision case that we did not know then Queen II! At the time I finished daily newsletter first way to identify a murder trial instead an. You left, is that true that morning now, you can read the funny things Patients Ever. Example of something you forgot Facts about Literally everything her car wasn t. Funny Court stories 16 of the funniest test answers of all time 20th Century that are Totally Bogus.! How long has he lived with you Other Judges from the Voice have said about Scientology by Tony Ortega at... Can ’ t talking to you that morning something that 's scarier than it is funny Sanderson board. Can we get this video to 5K LIKES? blue lights flashing s case we!
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